It's Just a Game

It's that time of the year again.  Parents everywhere are loading kids into their car and heading out to the fields for soccer/baseball/etc.    We've all seen the pictures/stories going around to remind parents that these are just kids and that, for the most part, the coaches and referees are unpaid volunteers.   

If you haven't seen this picture at least
once a season you must not have Facebook.

The other night I had the unfortunate experience of sitting next to a mom who evidently had not received the memo that our kids are not MLS players.  They're at most 10 for crying out loud.


Now, before I go on a rant about how this woman was behaving let me tell you that I am extremely competitive and I am all for pushing my kids to do better and try harder.  I am in no way a 'every one is a winner and deserves a trophy just for showing up' type parent.  I also have mom-friends that yell at the top of their lungs to their own kids "Run faster!", "It's yours, go for it!" and I am in no way coming down on them.  I would yell more for my own kid and others if anyone could actually hear me when I yell.


But notice what we're yelling whether we are yelling it to our own kids or their teammates - "Run faster!", "Go for it!", "You've got it!".  We are NOT yelling "what are you doing? playing for the other team?!".  We are not singling out 8 year olds (who may or may not know who the heck we are) and yelling at them "Come on! You're not doing it right! let someone else play if you're not going to do it right!".

This aforementioned mother - sitting dangerously close to me - was yelling out names of kids for those that she knew and numbers on jerseys for those that she didn't.  Sometimes she wasn't yelling at the kids - she was mocking the players to her buddy sitting next to her "Oh number 2 out there is supposed to be playing defense for our team, he's got on our color of jersey but he must be playing for the other team because he's costing us the game right now".  

To this lady I would just like to say:

Seriously lady?  First of all - perhaps you're little sweet angel may be the best player on the team - (He's not.) - but remember - they are freaking 8-10 year olds.  This is not you going to go watch a game between professional athletes who number one probably would never hear your stupid comments but also are grown adults who can handle the douchebaggery that's falling out of your mouth right now much better than an 8 year old.
You - my stupid little ass-hat - may get all your worth and self-value by whether or not your kids team wins the game but not everyone is as shallow as you.  When you walk up and down the line of the field yelling things at kids - that don't even know you - in a destructive manner you are killing their chance of actually enjoying doing what they're doing.  So sit down and please - for all that is holy - SHUT UP!!!

Now again, however parents want to talk to their own kids is up to them.  Family dynamics are different. Motivation is different for every kid - even within the same family.  My son loves it when I

cheer him on - my daughter prefers me to be quiet. But if you are yelling discouraging things to kids that are not even yours you are crossing a line.   If you are making fun of kids are aren't the star players to your 'squad' sitting next to you - oblivious to the fact that the parents of the kid you are mocking (and let's face it - BULLYING) are sitting right next to you then are a special kind of stupid aren't you?

My kid may never be the star of the team.  He may try to play all through his childhood and teenage years still always be at the bottom of the roster.  I'm okay with that - as long as he is having fun, staying active, trying hard, and is better than what he was yesterday because he is learning from his experience.  If you only knew what it took to get my kid to sign up for a team sport - he was mortified.  I made him do it because I knew it would be good for him.  He wasn't as social as most kids his age.  The biggest thing he was worried about was 'messing up' and letting his team down - and being embarrassed.  I kept pushing him - not because I have this sick need to live vicariously through him (if I did I would have chosen just about any other sport than soccer) - but because I didn't want him to not try things in life because he was afraid of the 'What ifs'.  "What if I'm not good?", "What if I mess up?", "What if I'm not fast enough?", "What if I can't remember the rules?".

He was holding himself back because he was afraid and he was retreating even more inwardly and putting walls up and I knew I had to get him into something to break down some of those barriers he was building at his young age.

So for me, seeing him out there making friends, trying to do the best he can do and having fun doing it is an accomplishment.  Like I said, as long as he's having fun, staying active, and trying hard then it's all good in my book.

So for some mom-jean wearing lady to come along and make fun of him and his teammates, to yell at them and berate them, to disrespect the coach and the other family members - it was all I could do to sit there and not say anything.  Had the game lasted 5 more minutes I honestly would have had to say something - if not for my kid then for all the other kids that this lady was mocking.  I am NOT a confrontational person at all - but when I unload - it all comes out and you will know exactly what I think of you (and probably what the rest of the folks sitting around think of you as well).

For those that care - there is a great article on what to say to your kids regarding participating in sports (or any extra-curricular activity).  This is especially true when your comments are focused towards kids that aren't even yours.  I found it extremely helpful when my kids started participating in sports because I was worried that my over abundance of competitiveness would come out and make them not enjoy what they were doing - it helped keep me in check.

Keep on cheering for your kids and their teammates - but watch out for the soccer moms like me who will go all mama bear on your ass if you start tearing the kids down - to their faces or behind their backs.  I promise you - it won't be pretty.